A love poem in Nazi Germany
by A Dissociating Nobody
Summary: In a German orphanage, Toris meets Feliks. The two become best friends and think that they'll stay together forever. Sadly, that's not the case and Feliks get taken away with a boy by the name of Ludwig to a concentration camp. After returning to Toris, Feliks' mind is broken.
1. A Lithuanian lullaby

**A/N This chapter's purpose is to create the setting of the emotional rollercoaster. Sorry if it takes you a while to get into the story. This fanfiction will be 4/6 chapters long. Hope you have fun reading and that you don't cry in the chapters to come. :)**

* * *

Germany, November 1938.

Toris stared out of the orphanage window, into the darkness which engulfed the streets below. These streets were solely lit up by the faint silver moonlight and old, flashing street lights.

Toris eagerly awaited his mother's return, for her to arrive and take him home, that's the reason why he looked out of the window each night before falling asleep. She abandoned him more than two years ago and Toris didn't know why.

If he had to be honest with himself, he'd rather not know why since he was afraid of finding out the reason.

His earliest memory was of his mother hugging him whilst crying into his small, fragile shoulders. It meant that she didn't want to leave him, right?

Over the past couple of months, Toris grasped the basics of Lithuanian. He learnt it for his mother; for her when she appears and takes him back to Lithuania. She'll be so proud of her son and will show him off to all of her friends, bursting with pride that her 9-year-old knows two languages. Still stuck in his fantasy, Toris wrote 'Ich vermisse dich' on the steamed up window. It meant 'I miss you' in German. He fought back the tears that started building up, threatening to overflow.

Toris started doodling spirals on the window, watching a car (which appeared from within the mist) as it proceeded to park in front of the orphanage. His heart tightened with anticipation for his mother like it always did.

This was before he realised that his 'secret' roommate was to arrive tonight.

Toris snapped out of his fantasies, watching a scene that unravelled outside in the cold. A blond boy exited the car with the orphanage mother. He was making a fuss, his pink cheeks puffed out, with displeasure. A pink backpack hung from one of his shoulders and jumped around, along with the boy's sudden movements.

The new boy had a long cream coat, which was cut in many places, with the bottom of it in tatters and bright cat-like green eyes which glanced around, as if he was looking for an escape route.

The orphanage mother and a tall fellow tried to calm the youngster down. They wanted him to be quiet, for their own protection. They looked around, hoping that nobody was witnessing the scene and the Star of David that the blond was waving around.

Toris continued to look down from the window at the blond with curiosity. He was shaking and Toris couldn't tell if this was because of the cold, nervousness or something else. As he observed the blond, it seemed as though the boy had looked back at him with a smile. Toris moved away from the window, this couldn't be the case, right?

He was quite sure that the mother of the orphanage spotted him, though; her hand gestured for him to come downstairs, to the bottom floor. Toris got out of his giant bed and started to walk out of his room.

* * *

 _The blond boy. who exited the car with the orphanage mother, wasn't the only Jew that was taken into the orphanage, hidden from the Nazis. The other two boys who were hidden were the German brothers: Ludwig and Gilbert who were also hidden inside the orphanage, due to their Jewish family._

 _The 'mother' of the orphanage did worship Hitler, however, she also believed that everyone in the world should be equal. She couldn't speak her opinion aloud, though, because of the persecution which awaited her if she did._

* * *

Toris walked downstairs to greet the blond who was already there, surrounded by the elder children of the orphanage, who didn't have to go to sleep yet. The new boy was hiding behind the mother of the orphanage, yet she didn't get mad and smiled at him sweetly.

Then, she shooed away the children that crowded around her, with her hands. The children nodded, most understood why they wouldn't get to know their new family member yet, they retreated back into doing whatever they were doing before the boy's arrival.

The mother noticed Toris at the bottom of the stairs and hand-gestured for him to come closer. He came forward and faced the blond boy who was shorter than him, but seemed to be somewhere around his age. The mother smiled warmly at Toris and said:

"This is Feliks, your new roommate..." She then leant in and whispered in his ear. "I trust you to hide him well, I know I can count on you."

Toris smiled up at the mother with mixed feelings. On one hand he was glad that he was entrusted with an important task, on the other, he was filled with dread.

When Toris led Feliks to now their shared room, he watched as Feliks took all of it in with his green, and expanded with curiosity, eyes.

Toris was just about to tell the blond where he would sleep but Feliks already jumped onto Toris' bed, relaxing and looking up at the ceiling.

"You are going to sleep-" Started Toris but was cut off by Feliks.

"I'm, like, going to sleep on the mattress underneath the bed aren't I?" He stated, still blinking at the ceiling.

"How do you know?" Asked Toris, the mattress wasn't visible, the bed was huge and covered the big space underneath it. Toris sat on his bed too next to the blond who was still laying on it.

"My parents totally used the same trick to hide me. So you don't need to lie about my bed arriving in a few days or whatever."

"Oh." Toris felt like asking Feliks about his parents but didn't want to be insensitive.

"By the way!" Feliks sat up now looking into Toris' eyes. "What's your name?"

"Toris, I'm Lithuanian, what about you?"

"You like, totally know that I'm called Felix but my second name is Łukasiewicz. Bet you can't say it. And I'm from Poland, haven't been there for a while though so I don't remember what its like-"

"Me too!" Chippered Toris whilst smiling at Feliks: happy about having something in common with his roommate. "The last time I was in Lithuania was when I was a baby so I don't remember what it's like! I've actually had to teach myself Lithuanian." Toris smiled bubbling with pride.

After only a second of hesitation, Toris decided to share his secret wall with Feliks. He skipped out of the bed and towards a huge Nazi flag that hung and took over most of one of the walls. He pulled it up to reveal a Lithuanian flag and some Lithuanian words that lay underneath,

"Omg, that is like, so awesome." Said Feliks and he got off the bed too, coming closer to Toris and looking at the wall. "I like you, you seem cool. What's Lithuania in Latvian?" Feliks beamed at Toris who got a bit mesmerised by the bright smile that was directed at him.

"You can put a Polish flag here too if you want, there's loads of room. And emmmm, it's 'Lietuva' why?" Asked Toris after snapping out of his frozen state, really excited to have someone he could share the secret with.

"Omg, I can? Thank youuuu" Exclaimed Feliks hugging Toris out of excitement. "We'll share the secret wall! And Lietuva... I'll call you Liet from now on. We're going to become best friends, right? So nicknames are needed."

Toris didn't have anyone he could call a best friend since Raivis Galante and Eduard von Bock were adopted and left him behind. Toris was scared that if he became attached someone again, he'd be sad after separating from them as they could get adopted, or his mum could come to take him home. However, he couldn't help but want to be friends with his new strange roommate. Toris burst out giggling, tears forming at the corners of his eyes out of laughter.

"Yes, we are friends; we'll be the best friends the world has ever seen." Claimed Toris: as he wiped the tears away.

"Great! We've become friends now so that means you'll play dress-up with me and I'll protect you from the bullies." Feliks extended his chest bravely. "Eeee... There aren't any bullies here are there?" Asked Feliks; shaking a little. From this Toris concluded that Feliks was a bit of a coward.

"Yeah, yeah, of course, you will." Laughed Toris, rolling his eyes, he went along with that claim making Feliks feel all high and mighty.

Feliks laid down his backpack onto Toris' desk and unzipped it open, looking through his stuff. Although Toris dismissed the pink colour of the backpack, in the beginning, now he was stunned as the core of it boomed with the rosy colour too.

Feliks frantically searched the interior of the backpack, looking for something. After a while of shuffling his items around the inside of the bag with his small hands, he pulled out a pink notebook.

As if sensing Toris' stare and curiosity he said:

"This is totally my diary, I'm going to write all about meeting you. Can you pass me a pen?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah, sure." Replied Toris as he put his hand into a box filled with pencils and pens. After a moment, he passed Feliks a black one.

"Hmmmm.…." Feliks concentrated on the pen for a while, spinning it in his hand.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Asked Toris, internally thinking about how strange his new roommate was.

"Do you have a pink pen? Or a glittery one?" Asked Feliks; passing the pen back.

"I don't think I have a pink one.….." Started Toris; spotting Feliks' smile start to fall in disappointment. "…But I do have a gold glittery gell-pen." He continued, enjoying seeing how quickly Feliks' glow returned to his face.

It didn't take him long to find it inside of the box and he handed it to Feliks who started writing frantically right after receiving it.

Toris knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but attempted to look over the Pole's shoulder to see what he was writing down with such joy. He wanted to know what Feliks would write about him. Toris failed, however, since Feliks noticed this and sang "No peeking" in a playful tone.

Toris rolled his eyes, a little embarrassed that he was caught peeking. He decided to be helpful and started pulling out Feliks' mattress, preparing it for him. Toris pulled out some bed covers from one of the wardrobe drawers and placed them nicely on the mattress.

When Toris finished, Feliks was also close to finishing writing his diary entry. When the Pole was finished he looked at Toris' work and yawned:

"Thank you, I'm realllly tired."

* * *

Feliks lay on the mattress staring up at the ceiling in thought. He could hear Toris' soft snores and could feel himself drifting away too. Yet, he tried to keep himself awake. Although the mattress was the most comfortable thing he laid on in ages, he felt afraid of falling asleep. His mind played tricks on him, making his body believe that it was being chased again. He felt his body shake, as it remembered the time where he ran and got stuck underneath the barbed wire that separated him from freedom. His hallucinating started yet again and he started to throw his body around the mattress, crying and screaming.

Suddenly, Toris lay on top of him, pressing his hand against Feliks' chapped lips, to make him quiet.

"Shhh," He whispered. "It's okay."

Feliks looked at Toris through his teary eyes, after finally calming down. That's when Toris pulled his hand away and looked into his friends red-from-crying eyes.

"What's wrong?" Toris asked, his voice was filled with care and concern that he felt towards his friend.

"I-" Feliks couldn't find the words to describe the way he was feeling, therefore, he burst into tears again. This worried Toris even more, so the brunette wrapped his arms around the blond, embracing him with a hug.

"It's okay," Toris tried to make Feliks feel better, "You can tell me what's wrong after you calm down."

Feliks nodded, making Toris feel the head movement on his shoulder.

Toris started swaying them from side to side, whilst starting to sing a lullaby. It was a lullaby that he remembered his mother would sing to him every night. She also sang it on the night when she left. But the thing is, Feliks wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

With each word that Toris sang, Feliks relaxed more, and more, until the tears completely stopped.

"The song's Lithuanian, isn't it?" Whispered Feliks, tightening the hug as it made him feel safe.

Toris nodded, still singing with his angel-like voice. The English translation of the last part of the song was:

Mouse, mouse,  
Carry the sleep,  
Like bee carries the honey.  
The sweet sleep.  
For kitty not to feel,  
The small one not to awake,  
For it sweetly sleeps,  
For it sweetly sleeps,  
For it sweetly sleeps.

Feliks didn't hear this, though; he fell asleep in Toris' arms. Toris smiled and gently placed the blond's head back onto his pillow. Afterwards, Toris returned back to his own bed and smiled down at Feliks' sleeping face.

Toris wouldn't be looking out of the window again anytime soon, he had a better sight to fall asleep to.


	2. New friends and kisses

**A/N Here's chapter 2. It took a while to write because I had writers block but chapter 3 will be published in a few days too. :) Thank you for the few follows and favourites, it means a lot.**

* * *

Few weeks later after meeting Toris, Feliks was drawing something in his sketchbook whilst observing his best friend sleep. Suddenly, he stopped and started thinking about the things which he didn't write in his diary yet, they included new friendships.

Although Feliks wasn't too keen to talk to anyone other than Toris, he managed to become friends with a boy named Gilbert a while ago. Gilbert was an albino with scarlet eyes and snowy hair. His cheeky grin would be impossible to forget.

Feliks and Gilbert had a friendly rivalry, which consisted of both of them thinking they were superior to the other; it was quite fun to watch.

Gilbert's and Feliks' friendship started like this:

 ***Flashback***

 **"Hey! Are you new?" Screamed a white-haired boy; from the other side of the room. It scared Feliks, who only just walked into the dining room with Toris. After a second, Feliks regained his composure, although, he was scared that as 'the new guy' he was about to become the victim of bullying. He swallowed, wanting to seem brave, whilst taking one of the strangest postures ever and putting his hands on his hips. Then, with a robotic voice he spoke:**

 **"Yes, that's me. Who may you be?"**

 **He was answered with booming laughter.**

 **"Dude! What's with that stance! Relax a little, kesesese~."**

 **The white haired boy came forward and extended his hand to Feliks:**

 **"I'm Gilbert. But I won't blame you if you'd rather call me the majesty of awesomeness."**

 **Feliks took the hand in his and shook it lightly; his awkward pose was long gone.**

 **"I'm Feliks. But I won't blame you if you like… Want to bow in front of my fabulous self."**

 **Gilbert and Feliks made eye contact for a while before both of them burst into laughter and fell to the floor, gasping for breath.**

 **"Kesese, I like you already, Mr. Fabulous."**

 **"Hehe, I like you too, Mr. Awesome."**

 **Toris stared down at both of them; the corner of his mouth was slowly rising in delight because he was happy that Feliks was able to make a friend.**

 **"You should get off the floor; we need to eat our breakfast in silence." Mumbled a boy who was glaring at Gilbert through his glasses. He had spiky black hair.**

 **"Shush we're coming, we're coming." Gilbert rolled his eyes. "That stiff guy over there is called Roderich." He directed this at Feliks who nodded, although he doubted that he'd be able to remember the name after only hearing it once.**

 **Feliks took a seat next to Gilbert on the dining table, where their breakfast was about to be served. Feliks gestured for Toris to sit next to him but Toris was looking at the empty place next to Roderich. That boy always seemed to be alone and Toris didn't want to get in the way of Feliks' new friendship.**

 **"Do..Do you mind if I sit next to you?" Asked Toris politely.**

 **Roderich blinked. He has known Toris for a bit but the two of them have never spoken to each other before. He knew it was ridiculous, but he was surprised that Toris could speak. Just like him, Toris used to sit on his own and be in his own little world, ignoring everyone else.**

 **"Yeah, sure." Replied Roderich before going back to staring at his empty plate. "So... I guess having a roommate made you more sociable." Roderich regretted saying this right after the words exited his mouth. He was just about to explain to Toris that he didn't mean it in a mean way, but luckily for him, Toris didn't think that he was being a 'mean know-it-all' like everyone else did. Instead, Toris smiled and replied with:**

 **"Yeah, it made me happier too."**

 ***End of flashback***

By becoming friends with Gilbert, Feliks also became friends with Ludwig, Gilbert's younger brother. Feliks and Ludwig didn't speak that much to each other; however, they subconsciously accepted each other and enjoyed each other's existence.

Toris managed to become friends with Roderich. Roderich was the most mature (of the group of five) despite not being the oldest. The only one that he was older than in their small group was Ludwig. If ranked by age, the ranking would be Toris, Feliks, Gilbert, Roderich and then Ludwig in the last place.

Having friends was fun. The only problem was: whenever Gilbert came into their room (usually dragging Ludwig along), Roderich couldn't be there. It was an unspoken rule, Gilbert and Roderich did not get along. Gilbert would mess around with Roderich, making the boy feel irritated and bothered. After each encounter with Gilbert, Roderich had to go to his room and play his instrumental music out loud, in the hope of calming himself down. Overall, the orphanage life never bored either Feliks or Toris.

* * *

Currently, it was a Monday morning and Feliks was bored waiting for Toris to wake up. Therefore, he decided to wake Toris up himself by proclaiming significant news, loudly.

I'm going to write you a poem!" Feliks declared to the sleeping male.

Toris slowly opened his sleepy eyes and stared up at the face which was a few centimetres from his own. He slowly raised his hands to his eyes and rubbed them to try to get rid of the sleepiness.

"Huh?" Toris yawned out.

"You know the time when we met, and I was really sad so you calmed me down?"

"Yeah." Toris still didn't know why Feliks was sad that night.

"Well, I'm going to repay you with a poem! My mum loved them. She was the one who like, taught me to write them. I'm not that good, but yeah. And-"

"I'm sure I'll love it." Smiled Toris kindly, he was thankful for the thought. "By the way, why were you upset? Oh, and what time is it?"

"It's a secret~ And eh, I don't know. I think it's still early." Sang Feliks playfully before standing straight again and walking away from Toris' bed to sit back in the corner that he declared was 'Polish territory' a few days ago. He sat down and leant his back against the cold gray wall. He then grabbed the sketchbook that lay right next to him and opened it up to finish sketching the pony which he started a few minutes ago.

"Oh...Okay, it's fine if you don't trust me with it. I just hope you feel better about it than you did last time." Said Toris with a smile, before starting to depress himself with the thought, turning gloomy. 'There's a side of Feliks I don't know' He thought sadly and just like always, he got one of the stomachaches that he'd usually get after feeling downhearted.

After becoming friends with Toris, it didn't take Feliks long to find out about Toris' weak stomach and about how easily the Lithuanian could make himself feel pessimistic. Out of guilt, and worry for Toris' stomach, he said:

"Okay...I'll like... tell you, don't get upset over nothing."

Feliks put his unfinished pony drawing to the side before laughing:

"Come closer then Liet. For once I'll allow you to enter the Polish territory!"

"You're just too lazy to get up from the spot because you managed to get comfortable, aren't I right?" Toris laughed.

Feliks pouted. "Maybe...Okay, yes, my bottom loves this piece of ...floor? Concrete? Whatever, it doesn't matter. The point is, my bottom is really comfortable and you should feel privileged to be able to enter this sacred piece of Polish land."

"One, we're in Germany. Two, before I got you as a roommate I could move around without worrying about stepping on 'sacred' ground. Three, wow, where did you learn the word 'sacred'? You don't go to school so..."

Feliks' face darkened. "It's not my fault nobody's allowing me to go to school. It's not my fault that I have to be hidden here like in a prison and that I'm a Jew-"

"Shhhh! Don't say that out loud! Bad things could happen if someone heard you."

"But it's unfair! It makes me sad!"

"I know," Toris finally sat down next to Feliks. "Believe me... I know. We're kids but we're not that stupid. I know that many things are unfair."

Feliks nodded. "Liet, can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah sure, what is it?"

"When you go to school, can you take notes for me? I want to learn too."

"Of course. The school is mostly about physical fitness but yeah, I'll take notes for you in Maths and German. Although... You might not want to see some of the maths questions."

"Why?" Asked Feliks. "Tell me."

"Well... Ermm..."

"Liet, just tell me."

"Okay, well... there are maths questions such as 'If this many planes bombed Poland and all of them bombed so much space, how much space would be bombed in total?' See? That's why I didn't want to tell you." Toris whispered the last sentence as Feliks was biting his lip, trying to keep the tears in.

"Well... Poland would fight back. I know it would. It's the center of Europe after all. I'm not scared at all...Nope... Not at all..."

"Don't lie to me. We're best friends, after all, there's no need for you to lie to me. Do you want me to tell you a secret? Something that upsets me?"

"Yes please."

"My dad was a German that made my mother pregnant. He was an Aryan, a perfect and rich German. Although, I was an accident and they were never together. He has a different wife and children. So, I never had a dad. But that's not what upsets me, so stop crying because I didn't get to the bad bit yet." Smiled Toris. "So...Ermmm... In school, we were researching our family trees and everyone started calling me a half-breed and an 'enemy of the state' whatever that means. I was sad, really sad. Even the teacher was laughing at me. I also heard him say that I shouldn't be in his lesson and that the Nazis pitied me. That someday the Nazis will probably come and take me away. I don't want to be taken away. I don't want that!"

Feliks squeezed Toris' hand and both of them looked into each other's watery eyes.

"Don't worry, I'd never let them take you away. Over my dead body." Grinned Feliks.

Toris smiled back and laughed "I know, you'd be my brave knight wouldn't you?"

"Oy! I have a feeling that you're not taking me seriously! Seriously, I would protect you. You are my best friend and are totally important to me!"

At that very moment, Gilbert opened the door and walked into the room.

"It's time for breakfast!" He shouted. "Oh, I thought both of you were still asleep. Damn! I was going to surprise you and everything! West! My plan didn't work! They are awake!"

'West' was Ludwig. That's what Gilbert called him for some bizarre reason.

Ludwig came into the room right after Gilbert and said:

"Yeah, I know, I'm standing right next to you."

"Oh, sorry kesesese. So, what were you two doing- Eeeeeee..." Gilbert stared at their intertwined hands before whispering. "You know homosexuality is against the state right?"

"H-Homo what now?" Feliks furrowed his brow; the 9-year-old was unfamiliar with the word.

"No no no no no." Toris tried to explain himself. "We were just about to have a wrestling match right before you two came in!" Toris let go of Feliks' hand making the blond look at him, puzzled and confused.

His thoughts were basically:

"Like... what wrestling match?"

However, he went along with it and said:

"Yep, I was just about to beat him before you two came. But still, what does the 'homosexual' thing mean?"

Gilbert looked at Ludwig.

"You're too young to be hearing things like that. I'll just say that it's something that Nazis un-awesomely disagree with."

Ludwig rolled his eyes.

"Basically, homosexuality is when two males like each other." Said the younger brother, stunning Gilbert who, truthfully, wasn't quite sure what the term meant.

"Huh?" Feliks still didn't fully grasp it. "But I do like Toris, we're best friends."

"Not in a romantic way. Homosexuals kiss too, that's all I know." Said Ludwig whilst Gilbert blinked repeatedly thinking:

"What just happened?"

"Kissing is disgusting anyway." Pouted Feliks. "Like, there are... These things called...Bacteria? Viruses? Buggies? Cooties? Germs? Well. I don't remember what but there are things in everyone's mouth that can make others sick, right?"

Toris nodded. "Hmmm...And I heard that kisses are supposed to happen with a girl that you really care about. I heard that the first time is really important too; that you have to do it with someone really special to you. That kiss will be something that you'll always remember since it's your very first one. That's what my mum used to tell me."

"Why are we having this conversation anyway?" Asked Gilbert, he scrunched up his nose in disgust. "I'll never kiss anyone. I'm too awesome for that."

Feliks was looking at Toris with curiosity. Millions of thoughts were going through his head.

"Anyway," Continued Gilbert cheerfully. "After you finish your wrestling match come downstairs for breakfast. You still have around ten minutes left."

Toris and Feliks nodded and the German brothers exited their room.

"So, weren't you going to tell me what you were really upset about the first time we met?" Asked Toris.

"Oh yeah, that's like the whole reason for you sitting in my territory, right? Well, it started when I was born~"

"Oh God," Groaned Toris, "don't tell me that you're on the verge of telling me your life story."

"Hehe, I'm not a God but you can worship me all you like-"

"That's not what I-"

"AND! I bet that even if I did tell you my life story you wouldn't mind one bit." Smiled Feliks happily. Toris took in that smile like a fuel of happiness which would keep his happy spirits running for the remainder of the day.

"You're right, I wouldn't. But mother would, we don't have that much time left to talk."

"If I shorten it down it wouldn't be as interesting or saddening! I'll tell you some other time. To be honest… I don't even think I'm ready to talk about it yet."

"Okay." smiled Toris. "Let's go downstairs now so that we won't get told off."

"Yeah sure. But…ermm….Liet?"

"Yeah?"

"You need to get dressed first." laughed the blond.

* * *

Feliks was waiting for Toris to return from school. He was due to be back any minute. Feliks was pacing around the room, cursing himself for what he was doing. This was a bad idea. A horrible idea.

He looked down at what he was wearing. He was a male yet, why did he feel so comfortable wearing a _dress?_ And why? Why was he doing this? He knew why. When Toris went to school his words still hunted Feliks' mind.

 **'That kiss will be something that you'll always remember since it's your very first one.'**

Feliks wanted to be remembered by Toris forever, that's why he'll become a girl for a few minutes…. Just to have himself embedded in the mind of the brunette. He didn't want Toris to forget him, never.

Feliks sat on Toris' bed and started sweating. He didn't know why he felt so nervous since he wasn't doing anything that mayor. This was only going to be a quick peck and then, he'd be able to wear his own clothing again.

The door was opening and Feliks' heart felt like it was about to stop.

He flew towards Toris and quickly shut the door behind the brunette. Toris' eyes were expanded in shock.

"Feliks…Why do you look so… Girly?"

"There's an explanation to this, I swear! Just….After I do what I'm going to do…. Promise me that you won't be disgusted and that we'll still be best friends. It would be great if you never mentioned this to anyone too and never spoke to me about it, okay?" Feliks was serious; he had a glimmer of determination in his eyes.

"You're scaring me…But yeah, nothing will change our friendship." Smiled Toris.

"Good" Mumbled Feliks before wrapping his arms around Toris' neck and using his tiptoes so that he could lift himself up and plant his peck on Toris' lips. The contact lasted for around 4 seconds and the boys could feel the softness of each other's lips.

After letting go, Feliks wondered what he did wrong. The kiss wasn't a proper kiss but he didn't realize what the issue was. In the end, Feliks shrugged, picked up his clothes off the floor and started changing back into them.

"Hey, Liet?"

"Yes?" Toris was still frozen in shock.

"Aglaja had to stay behind after school to do some extra work, right?"

"Yes, she did." Nodded Toris.

"Great!" Grinned Feliks, "I can put the dress back in its place now. Hehe, I never worried about being caught."


	3. An unspoken rule

**A/N Here's chapter 3. Both of my friends who read this chapter... Well, they cried and tried to kill me, so yeah, hope you like it. XD**

 **If you think that I should change the label for this story from 'T' to 'M' because of this chapter's content then let me know either in the reviews or private messaging, please.**

* * *

Two years later, September 1940.

Two boys, (now 11-year-olds) were in their shared bedroom. Over the past two years, they grew really attached to each other's presence. Toris had to take care of Feliks who'd always get himself into trouble, however, as a bonus, Feliks became Toris' sunshine

At that very moment, Feliks and Toris were playing a game of cards. Both of them knew that Feliks would win thanks to his well-developed cheating abilities, but they played the game anyway to waste some time.

"Liet you're like soooo bad at this." Giggled Feliks.

"Yeah, I'll probably lose again; you're too good at these games." Toris agreed with a smile on his face.

"Liet guess what."

"What?"

"I was playing with Gilbert a while ago and you know what he said? He said I was cheating. I have never been so offended in my entire life!" Feliks burst out whining about his white-haired friend.

"Is that so? Well, I'm sure you'd never cheat." Claimed Toris and he placed another card on the floor.

"..." Feliks looked down at his cross-legged lap, his face was filled with guilt. He hated lying to Toris.

"But...Even if you did cheat, I'd still be your best friend."

"Really?" Feliks raised his head, his eyes sparkled.

"Of course, but as I said before... I don't think you'd ever cheat." Toris teased Feliks without the blond realizing it. Toris knew how to handle Feliks, soon he'd have the blond confessing to the 'crime'.

"But Liet..."Feliks bit his lip. "If I said that I cheated once...Or a few times...Would you get mad?"

"No, I wouldn't." Smiled Toris, his plan was going well.

"Well, the truth is I-" Feliks couldn't finish his sentence as the alarm started to boom in their ears.

The bombs were near.

Toris and Feliks ran out of the room and started sprinting down the stairs, which were already crowded with other children. Gilbert was also there, acting like the big brother he was and holding Ludwig's hand. For once, this didn't annoy Ludwig. Everyone's thoughts were the same:

'We need to get to the basement.'

"The mother was already at the trap door, holding it open. She didn't care about her own safety, she wanted to stay there and make sure that all the children would get to the basement and survive, in case the bomb hit.

When she thought everyone was inside, she walked down the ladder and into the big and wide basement. The Nazis made sure it would survive a bomb, so the mother relaxed and started tending to the crying children.

It was a surprise to everyone when Gilbert suddenly got to his feet and started screaming:

"Roderich! Roderich isn't here!"

The mother and the other orphanage staff froze.

"You have to do something. Be awesome or something and go get him!" He was panicking, which was a surprise to Toris, he thought that Gilbert and Roderich hated each other.

One of the staff spoke up. "We can't go out there, it's dangerous. Let's wait for him to get down here."

"Gilbert's fists tightened.

"Feliks?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me favour?"

Totally, what do you want me to do?"

"Gilbert sighed before looking into Feliks' eyes with such determination, that it was unnatural for an 11-year old. "If I don't return, please take good care of my brother, he's awesome...But needs to be looked after."And just like that, he stormed out.

He pushed past everyone before reaching the trap door and pushing it open. He started to get out, that's when one of the orphanage adults grabbed his leg.

"Let me go,"

"You aren't thinking rationally, sit down, calm down and-" She didn't get to finish her sentence as a boot collided with her face.

"Sorry, I admit, that was un-awesome," Gilbert muttered before taking an advantage of the loosened grasp on his leg and escaping the safe area. He looked down at them all from the bottom floor before giving Ludwig one last glance and shutting the trapdoor behind him.

He started running up the stairs, shouting:

"Roderich?! Four-eyes?! Dude, where the hell are you? Say something!"

"That's when he saw him, Roderich was laid at the bottom of the stairs which lead to the third floor. Gilbert ran up to him, looking for any injuries. To his relief, other than the broken glasses, he didn't find any.

"Gilbert, is that you?" Mumbled Roderich, he found it difficult to get up from the concrete floor.

"Noooo, its Santa since he's white-haired too." Sarcastic Gilbert extended his hand to Roderich, who looked at it sceptically.

"Be serious Gilbert, why aren't you in the basement? You should go." Roderich slapped the hand away; but didn't get up by himself either. This confused Gilbert. If Roderich was okay then why couldn't he come too?

They both fell in a small silence. Well, that's if you don't count the noise that the sirens were making.

Then, Roderich spoke again:

"Also, if I may add, I thought you hated me. So what are you doing here?"

"I don't hate you! Whatever gave you the idea?! You're the one who hates me!" Gilbert declared.

"Well, you're noisy and annoying. Why wouldn't I hate you? But if it makes you feel any better, no I don't."

They both shuddered at the sound of a bomb drop nearby. Gilbert bit his lip, scared for his life.

"Okay, okay, you don't hate me and I don't hate you. But can you pleeeeeeeeese get up so that we can get to safety. I'm probably in trouble because of you anyway; I kicked the fat cook in the face as I was coming to get you." Gilbert started skipping on the spot; he wanted to get to the basement as soon as he could. That's when something unexpected happened that made Gilbert freeze on the spot.

Roderich started crying. The smartass, proud Roderich was crying.

"I was so scared. I thought nobody would come for me. I thought I'd die on my own-"

"What are you talking about? You can thank me later, let's get to safety-" Gilbert cut himself off, this was because he nudged Roderich and a howl escaped the brunette's lips.

Roderich smiled at him. "Don't you think that if I could, I would have been there by now?"

Gilbert started walking around in circles, panicking.

"No, no, no, no no, you're going to get there even if I have to drag you."

"Gilbert, I fell down the stairs..." He lifted his top to show a huge swelling wound on his side. "I may not be bleeding, but there's something seriously wrong. I might be bleeding internally... Or one of my bones could be broken. I really don't know but this pain is unbearable and I'd probably collapse on my way there."

Gilbert stared at the huge, swollen side.

"You need to get to hospital to get it checked out, don't you?" he stated, emotionlessly.

"Yes, indeed I do. Just leave me and go to the basement. There's nothing you can do."

Gilbert kicked a wall, for a moment Roderich really thought that the albino would leave but he just came and sat next to Roderich's body on the step.

"I'll stay with you until the bombs are over then."

"Are you- Never mind, this isn't a time to argue."

"Haha I heard Toris tell Feliks about an 'unspoken rule' apparently we can't be in the same room or else bad things and arguments happen. Kesesese." Gilbert started laughing in his weird 'kesesese' way, whilst Roderich coughed into his hand. Even without his glasses, he could see the small bit of blood. He wiped his hand on his trousers, hoping that Gilbert didn't notice.

"So, if both of us survive this, we're going to be friends?" asked Gilbert.

"Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

At that very moment, a blond bomber was looking out for his next target. He flew past many buildings, disappointed, that many of the apartments were already bombed. He groaned out of annoyance he wasn't going to bomb any small buildings; he wanted to cause as much damage as possible to bring his country closer to victory.

That's when he spotted a giant building with the sign 'Waisenhaus'.

This was the only tall building that hasn't been bombed yet and the blond wondered why.

That's when he did it, he let the bomb loose.

Later, he'll go to one of his teammates and tell him about it. Then, his teammate will look at him and say:

"Want to know why it wasn't bombed yet? Waisenhaus means orphanage in German. You better hope the children were evacuated to the countryside; you may have killed innocents. We may be soldiers, but many of us still have hearts, you git."

* * *

The bomb was strong, really strong. The children in the basement could feel the force of the bomb. The whole building shook and started to collapse. Gilbert jumped on top of Roderich, in hope, of saving his life. Roderich's last words were:

"We won't survive, but just so you know. We are friends." That's when the ceiling collapsed, there was no hope of survival. The solid parts of the ceiling mixed with the bodies of the 11-year-olds.

The trap door ended up getting blocked by all the rock, the children inside of the basement couldn't escape. The orphanage staff tried to calm down the children, saying that help would come.

Feliks held Toris' sleeve whilst biting his lip. It wasn't the exit he was worried about the most. Feliks, Toris and Ludwig all prayed for Roderich's and Gilbert's safety. Ludwig tightened his hands into fists and stared at the trap door in hope. His mind told him that yes, it was possible for Gilbert to move the rock away, open the trap door, and grin at him with Roderich's arm around his shoulder. But at the same time, his mind told him this was very unlikely.

Ludwig cursed himself for relying on his brother. After the ordeal, he will train, and become stronger both mentally and physically. That's what he told himself. And he told himself that if Gilbert...Never came back he would face it like a man. Gilbert wouldn't want him to.

Ludwig looked around at the crying kids, there were crying teenagers. Why? He was younger, his brother was out there, in danger and could be dead. Ludwig started to shake.

"You know, you can like, cry if you want. Nobody will think you're weak." Whispered Feliks as he looked at Ludwig with a teary smile.

Ludwig looked at him for a second, and then the single tear slid down his cheek. Why did they have to suffer like this? Why wasn't Gilbert coming back? Why wasn't he opening the trap door and rescuing them?

Feliks pulled Ludwig closer. Toris, Feliks and Ludwig sat there, embracing each other, whilst crying.

Ludwig promised himself that he would become stronger and that someday he'd find someone to protect. What he didn't know was: he'd find that 'Italian someone' soon.

* * *

After a few hours, help came.

A group of Nazi males entered the ruins, calling out:

"If you're a survivor, make some noise and we'll come help you!"

Hearing all the children's shouts coming from the basement was heartwarming, the next generation was calling out.

A pair of muscled men grabbed the rock and tossed it to the side, allowing the trap door to snap open, revealing all the survivors. The children started pulling themselves out of the basement, and the wreckage, that was the orphanage building. They couldn't thank their heroes, though, as one of the Nazi males (probably the one in command) called out:

"Who the hell is in charge here?"

The mother stepped forward with a shaky "Me."

The male walked towards her and yanked her hair down so that she had no choice but to look up at his face.

"What in the world are the children doing here? Even though this is an orphanage... What are they doing here amidst a war?" He spat.

She shook and didn't say a word.

"I said. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE?! Or are you committing treason? We don't need people like that in our Germany." He pointed to Ludwig's blond hair and blue eyes. "Look, an example of a perfect human, how in the world could you put them in danger?"

"No, no, no, no" She begged, "I just didn't want them to get taken away, I-"

Oh, so that's it? She didn't want to die alone?" Snorted one of the other Nazi males, he was really tanned and appeared from the dust, carrying something in his arms.

"Die? P-please..."

"Yeah, you're hiding vermin aren't you?"

"Vermin? I don't know what you're talking about. I-" She couldn't say anything else as the tanned male pulled out a Polish flag, a Lithuanian flag, and the Jewish symbol.

"So, what's this then? Look what I've found. We're not stupid you know. The bomb blew a big Nazi flag off a wall that consisted of these. It's treason. You're hiding vermin, you can't escape your death. You're going to court, the staff too, oh, and you better tell me who in the world Feliks and Liet are. They deserve to go to their vermin camp."

Toris' legs started shaking, he didn't know what to do. His heart froze when Feliks stepped forward, he walked towards the tanned male, not showing any fear.

"I'm Feliks,"He spoke."Liet is my middle name though so-"

"Don't lie to me you brat." Snapped the tanned German. "I can see two different handwritings here, you can't explain that now can you?"

"Liet is my nickname."

Toris stopped breathing. Ludwig just took his place in front of the German.

"Is it really you?" Doubted The German.

"Yeah, there really were three of us, the 'Jewish vermin'. But my brother..."

"Oh, so that's the pile of bones I saw earlier then?" Laughed the German. "Great, I was worried it was someone with value." Ludwig bit his lip. He tried to control his anger.

"Ask mother, she only hid three of us. The only three names that weren't registered into the orphanage files were Feliks Łukasiewicz, Ludwig Bailshmicht and Gilbert Bailshmicht."

"Okay, okay, we still have many of people to rescue so spare me your chatter. Say goodbye, you're never seeing any of your friends ever again." The Nazi started laughing.

Feliks ran towards Toris before stuffing a piece of paper into the brunette's hand.

"Read it later" Feliks whispered, before walking back towards the Nazis.

* * *

That's how Ludwig and Feliks were taken away.

That's how Toris and Feliks split their ways.

Toris' full of regret; Feliks' full of suffering.


	4. Your one and only best friend

**A/N If you are reading this... thank you for getting so far. After this, there'll be only one or two chapters left. I wasn't going to publish this chapter today but my email informed me that this story got an extra follower. That reminded me of this story's existence and stimulated me into sitting down and working on the story. Thanks again and have fun reading about their reunion. I added Feliciano and Lovino into the story too~**

* * *

Toris was older, yet he still remembered Feliks clearly. With every day, his heart cracked more and more. With every look out of the window, he lost hope that Feliks was alive.

Every morning, before getting ready for work, he'd read the poem that Feliks left him. Every single time, his heart would tear itself apart.

* * *

 _Before you, I felt vulnerable and weak,  
Safety in your arms is what I seek,  
With you I feel love and safety, I become so warm,  
My heart beats like bees in a swarm,  
You're my protector, my comfort, my safe heaven, my world,  
Before you, I was like a rope which was continuously twirled,  
I have to be strong so I don't disappoint you as I need you there,  
Your arms are my walls which can't be caved in,  
Being in them is perfect; the feeling's always a win,  
You were with me when I was going to admit defeat,  
I didn't want to run from the Germans; I just wanted to retreat,  
I came to terms with death until I felt your touch,  
That's why I love you so, so much._

* * *

Once again, Toris wiped away the single tear and started to get ready. He brushed his hair and teeth before changing into his cashier uniform and walking out of his small flat. The only part of the poem which he didn't fully understand was the part about 'running from the Germans' and retreating. What did Feliks mean?

A man was waiting outside of the convenience store with a frown. He was impatiently waiting for a member of staff to open it; he seemed to be in a hurry.

Toris came closer and started unlocking the metal pieces that covered the windows, rolling them up to show the plain display of goods from the store. He went on to opening the doors and walked in, with the blond following right behind him.

Toris was just about to tell the tall male that the shop was to be open in the next hour but he kept quiet, he felt intimidated and his stomach started hurting again.

If Toris truly cared about what time costumers started to come in, he would have said something, however, from the kindness of his heart he decided to keep quiet and allowed the male to walk over to the small food section. The food section was really small since the Germans still had to be on rations even after World War Two ended.

Toris stepped behind the counter and observed the blond male who wore dirty clothing and was holding a small amount of money in his hands. He looked like a beggar or someone poor who was quite close to it. Toris bit his lip, what if the money was stolen just to buy some of the alcohol that was behind him? But wait, why was he examining the canned food instead then? Toris kicked himself mentally for judging someone, based on their looks, again.

"Do you have any food that costs less?" The male put the can onto the counter. He was biting his dry lip with a frown on his face.

Toris got shivers from the hardness of the voice but replied calmly:

"No, we don't, sorry."

"It's okay, I'll check the shop across the road. If they don't have anything cheaper either, I'll come back here."

"I don't think they sell food anymore. They ran out." Said Toris. "We should run out of canned food soon too since people are desperate, the rations aren't enough."

"Yeah, they aren't." The customer agreed and was looking down at the can with an upset expression, realising that if he spent his money on the can, he wouldn't have any left.

Toris looked at his facial expression and felt a wave of nostalgia cover him like a blanket.

* * *

 **The two boys were being led away. Young Toris wanted them to turn around, or at least, to give him one last glance. Feliks walked straight, and with each step, he was further from Toris' grasp. Feliks walked with confidence yet, Toris could tell the blond was shaking.**

 **'Why can't you just turn around? Why won't you show me how scared you truly are? Why are you acting so strong? Why you, not me? What have you done wrong?'**

 **Toris opened the folded up piece of paper.**

 **'...That's why I love you so, so much.'**

 **Toris burst into tears. Every part of his mind was in pain, Feliks was the only thing he could think about.**

 **He looked in the direction that the two blonds were disappearing in. He couldn't see Feliks anymore and shout 'me too'.**

 **All he could see was the tip of Ludwig's hair which was disappearing in the distance.**

* * *

Toris' eyes expanded at the realisation of who was standing in front of him.

"LUDWIG! Is that you?!"

The blond male stared back at Toris for a moment, with tired eyes which joined Toris' in sparkling after realising who stood in front of him.

"Toris?"

"Yes, it's me...Oh my, God, I can't believe I'm seeing you again...Are you okay? What happened? Is Feliks...?"

"Let's talk about that later...I'm sure you wouldn't want to be sacked from your job... When does your shift end?"

"Actually, it hasn't even started yet." Mumbled Toris.

"Oh."

"The owner isn't here yet…..I'll call him to tell him I'm ill and…."

"Are you sure? I could always come later."

"Yeah, I waited a few years; I won't wait a minute longer." Toris boomed with great confidence.

"Luuuuuuuuudwig!"Screamed a brunette male. His eyes were squinted as he ran in the direction of the shop. He came inside before lunging himself at Ludwig and clinging to him. "I finally found you! I was sooo worried. I told you to take some of my money with you but you left it on the counter in the kitchen. It upset me a bit but it was also funny because Lovi was having a cursing fit in the kitchen! Even Feliks was alive enough to call you an idiot. It's okay to rely on others sometimes, you know? Oh, you were going to buy this can?" The brunette picked it up and examined it. "Hmmm….I'd rather have pasta but I guess this is good too. I'll buy this one and a few more." The brunette walked away towards the shelf leaving Toris dumbstruck.

The brunette just confirmed that Feliks… That Feliks was alive.

Toris started crying. "I'm…so… glad." He sniffled.

Ludwig smiled at him kindly.

"A few hours won't change a thing. You can still see Feliks today. I'll come for you at 7 pm as that's the shops closing time, I believe."

The brunette, who only just made an appearance in Toris' life, turned away from the cans to face him and Ludwig. He quickly put the cans he was holding on the counter and ran to hug Toris.

"Why are you sad? Don't be sad. Hi. My name is Feliciano and I hate it when people are sad. Smile and be happy. Think of all the real food we can have after we stop having to eat rations. Pasta, pizza. Can't you just wait to eat them all?"

Toris laughed a bit.

"I'm Toris and I'm crying because I'm happy, not sad."

"Oh, is that so." Feliciano let go of Toris and looked him in the eyes. "Well, I'm happy that you are happy. I hope that thoughts about good food won't make you even happier and make you cry more because that happened to me once. I was crying because the food I was eating was good and Lovi was shouting at me because my tears worried him at first. I love my brother. Do you have a brother?"

"No, I don't think I do. I can't be sure, though, since I come from an orphanage."

"Oooooooooh. So is Ludwig! Oh, my. Gosh, do you two know each other?" He gaped at Ludwig who nodded at the question.

"That's great! So you know Feliks too then? That's great! You should come to our apartment once to eat canned food with us. Want to go now?"

"Feliciano…." Ludwig sighed. "Toris works here. He'll come with us after he finishes working for the day."

"You work here? Eeeeeh, that explains why there's no staff around."

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." Giggled Toris as he stepped behind the counter and started putting the cans in a plastic bag.

Feliciano popped some money on the counter and said 'thank you' as he took the bag from Toris.

"I'll see you in a few hours. Have a nice day." Said Ludwig as he exited the shop with Feliciano who started clinging onto him again. Toris watched and he was curious about the relationship between the two of them.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Asked Ludwig. Toris and Ludwig were standing in front of wooden doors. The metallic number '13' was staring into Toris' face. He was a few steps away from a happy reunion.

"Yes. I am." He said right before a loud crash was heard from inside of the house.

"Oi, bastard! That's exactly why we're not having any more flower pots in this damn flat."

"Sorry sorry. Don't get so mad Lovino. Learn to like, control your temper."

"Arrrrrrrgh don't say anything about my temper since you have more problems than I do. Since your mental state has been okay for a few hours, you should tidy it up… maybe even cook something for once."

"Lovi! You shouldn't be mean to Feliks! You're only saying this because Ludwig isn't at home."

"He is now! Feliks what in the world are you doing out of bed?!" Shouted Ludwig as he closed the doors after letting Toris inside. They were in a cramped corridor, few steps away from where Feliks was.

Another loud sound could be heard before Feliks entered the corridor with a whiny:

"It's totally boring in bed!"

Toris looked at the young male who stood in front of him. Feliks changed a lot over the past few years. His girly features were still there most were replaced with tougher and manlier features. He became taller and his cat-eyes lost some of their childish light.

Feliks' hair was much shorter than it used to be and Toris knew why. Nazis would have shaven off his hair in the concentration camp; it was probably really upsetting for Feliks since he loved his blond hair. Toris could see that Feliks wasted no time in trying to grow it back; it was nearly as long as it was before.

There was a number tattooed on Feliks' arm. It made Toris' heart squeeze painfully and tormented his mind. He wanted to purify that horrible tattoo, to somehow erase it from Feliks' skin.

What struck Toris the most was how thin Feliks became. It was scary to look at Feliks' wrists; they seemed fragile as if they could just fall off. Toris knew he was overreacting, but he was scared about Feliks' health after only just seeing him. He had the urge to come forward and to embrace Feliks, telling him that he'd never let go. Yet, Toris didn't move from the spot behind Ludwig. What if Feliks didn't care about Toris anymore? Was Toris intruding Feliks' life for no reason? Should he go? Toris swallowed and looked into Feliks' eyes.

Feliks spotted Toris too and stared back. He couldn't feel his legs; they became jelly as he stared at his best friend. His eyes expanded and shined from the tears which started building up.

Ludwig allowed Feliks and Toris to stare at each other in silence. He nodded at Feliks and walked past him and into the living room to clean up the smashed flower pot from the floor.

"Liet? Is that you?"

'Liet', the cursed word which made Toris burst into tears. Yes, he was Feliks' 'Liet' and always would be. It was the word which was engraved into Toris' heart. He could hear the 9-year-old version of Feliks as it said:

 _"_ _I'll call you Liet from now on. We're going to become best friends, right? So nicknames are needed."_

"Yes." Toris choked out. "It's me. Your one and only best friend."


	5. A misty nightmare

_Dear Diary._

 _You'll never guess who I saw today._

 _Toris._

 _Liet, the one who I write poems about.  
Can you believe it? I can't._

 _I think I, like, froze when I saw him._

 _We were staring at each other before Lovino and Feliciano came. Lovino told us to stop being 'so damn emotional' and Feliciano dragged us into the living room to play board games together. Ludwig didn't want me there, just in case it was too much of a strain on me, but, I managed to play._

 _I didn't want Liet to see the mess I've become; I wanted him to think that I'm normal._

 _Of course, Liet spoke to me a little, but the only thing that stuck in my mind was that he still regards himself as my best friend._

 _It made me happy and made me feel for once. In that brief moment, I could feel happy emotions again._

 _I wish he said more, but at the same time…. I didn't say much either. Surprisingly, Lovino said that 'Toris should come over again', which means that I still have a chance to talk to him. The only problem is…. I may get too attached again._

 _I don't want to go through another separation like that, and knowing life, it could happen again. I don't want it to. You understand, diary, don't you? I went through a lot already and it took me a lot of effort and tears to write them all down. I can't survive another separation, so I'm not sure if I want to see him again._

 _If I do end up deciding that I want to be with him as much as possible, I can always use the excuse that 'I want him to teach me since I missed out on education'. That excuse should get us closer together and Ludwig shouldn't think of it as a bad thing. Toris would be shocked about the fact that I learned to write pretty well~_

 _P.S._

 _Don't tell anyone BUT Liet kept looking at me today and it made me kind of self-conscious. But like, I stared at him too, I guess. Damn! He's like…. SO handsome now! You'd like…. Have to be blind not to notice. Hey, diary, do you think he's dating someone? That he's engaged to someone? If so…  
I'll be really happy for him and I'll cheer him on._

* * *

Feliks put his diary to the side before lying down on his bed. He was looking up at the ceiling in thought and could hear Lovino shuffling; the grouchy brunette was preparing himself for sleep.

Lovino and Feliciano were the Jewish brothers who met Ludwig and Feliks in the concentration camp. After escaping that horrible place, the four of Jews stuck together. The concentration camp traumatised Feliks more than it traumatised the other trio so they took it upon themselves to take care of Feliks. They believed that as his friends, it was their duty to make Feliks feel okay again.

Lovino glanced at Feliks with a hint of worry. It was Lovino's turn to watch over Feliks (and his mental state) tonight. Feliciano and Ludwig were the ones that spent most nights with Feliks so now it was Lovino's turn. The brunette hoped that he wouldn't have any bad dreams himself; he needed to be able to take care of Feliks in a calm and serious manner when needed.

"Goodnight Lovino. Have a totally epic dream."

"I will if you don't end up ruining it." Groaned Lovino; he laid his head on a pillow. He turned to his side, to face the wall, before mumbling. "Goodnight, sleep well too."

Feliks smiled childishly and closed his eyes. Sadly, he wouldn't have any flowery dreams tonight.

* * *

 **Feliks was walking through the mist.**

 **Dead bodies were laid out around him. They were the bodies of Jews who died from starvation. Feliks could recognise some of their faces. After all, his mind was replaying the deaths which he already saw.**

 **With every step, there were more and more dead bodies around him. He tried to ignore them but could feel the stomach acid which was about to enter his throat. He was unable to stop walking. He couldn't change the direction of his steps; he couldn't turn around to run away.**

 **He wasn't in control.**

 **The mist started covering him like a blanket and started ragging his clothes like the wind.**

 **Suddenly, a hand came out from behind and grabbed him by the shoulder.**

 **"Where do you think you're going" It growled.**

 **Feliks yelped from the force and swallowed nervously. He knew who the voice belonged to.  
He tilted his head just to see that he was correct. It was the face of a familiar…. perverted German soldier.**

 **The German soldier was smiling in a way that it made it obvious for Feliks that he had evil intentions. Feliks tried to get the hand off him and to run away, he was unable to. He couldn't move anywhere but forward and the iron hand wouldn't let go; it held onto its pray.**

 **The German's voice boomed through the fictional, misty world.**

 **"You look girly. I'm sure trash like you wouldn't mind pleasuring someone as great as me."**

 **"No no no no no no." cried Feliks.**

 **"You're a dirty little Jew aren't you?"**

 **"I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, and I'm not! What has my religion got to do with any of this?! Leave me alone…..Please, please let me go." begged Feliks.**

 **The image of mist and dead bodies cracked and fell apart. The next part of the dream included disgusting memories of Feliks' sexual assaulter as he spilled Feliks' pride into the dirt.**

* * *

"Bastard! Wake up!"

Feliks awoke to Lovino's worried face. The brunette was in the middle of holding Feliks down. The blond was shaking and crying, all that Lovino could do was to hold Feliks down and to wait for him to calm down.

Feliks was trembling; he felt as if his body was vibrating. He couldn't stop his hands and legs from jerking uncontrollably. It took quite a while for Feliks' body to stop and to go back to normal.

"I …. Need to…"

Lovino nodded and got off Feliks. He supported the blond all the way to the bathroom where Feliks knelt down and started vomiting.

After Feliks stopped, Lovino built up the courage to ask:

"Not that I care….. But….Are you feeling any better now?"

"Yeah." Feliks breathed out with a smile. "What time is it?"

"It's four in the morning. Ludwig and Feliciano are still asleep."

"Oh, you can go back to sleep if you want. I might go and like… Make everyone some breakfast since I don't think I'll be able to sleep any more-"

"No no no." Lovino shook his head in disagreement. "I didn't mean it when I said that you should do more around the house…. Just go, lay down and I'll get you some water."

After returning from the kitchen, Lovino passed Feliks some water which the blond consumed in small sips. Vomiting made him feel really ill and he knew that Ludwig wouldn't allow him to get out of bed for the day.

He lay down and started sketching a pony in his diary because he had nothing else to do.

Feliks was right.

When Ludwig woke up and found out about Feliks vomiting because of his nightmares again, he firmly commanded Feliks to stay in bed.

In the afternoon, Ludwig and Lovino went out of the house to earn some money. Feliciano stayed at home with Feliks.

Feliciano was observing how Feliks shaded the lines of the pony, making it look 3D. Both of them were relaxing on Feliks' bed.

"You sketch a lot. Do you like drawing?" asked Feliciano. Feliciano was a better drawer than Feliks, so the blonde wandered why Feliciano asked him that question.

"Like…. Of course I do. I prefer writing poems but….. Eeeeh, I'm only able to write them when my mental state is alright."

"Oh….Will you write me a poem sometime? Or maybe even teach me how to write them? I'm sure you're good." Feliciano smiled as he asked the question. Truthfully, his aim was to give Feliks a purpose, something to do, however...Maybe he could write a poem for Ludwig... The Italian had a crush on the muscly German and that would be a romantic way to confess, right?

Feliks could see that Feliciano started daydreaming so he just smiled and continued on colouring in.

When Feliciano finally stopped daydreaming about whatever image his fantasies were creating, and he tilted his head to the side.

"You know... You seemed to be enjoying yourself when we were playing that board game yesterday. It was really nice to see." Feliciano let his curiosity loose. "Is it because of Toris? Ve~ why don't you tell me something about him? What was your childhood like? You were in an orphanage together, right? What was it like? Ludwig refuses to speak of the past. It's really frustrating. I want to know more about you guys. Tell me. Pleeese."

Feliks' small smile fell off his face in an instant and Feliciano was sure that Feliks would't reply to the questions, he was shocked when he did.

"Well... I was... We were... We five always had fun. The orphanage wasn't that good but we were kids and we enjoyed ourselves-"

"Five? Who do you mean?" Asked Feliciano since he didn't bite his tongue on time and his curiosity was taking the better of him.

"Me, Liet- I mean, Toris, Ludwig, and..." Feliks took a deep breath, "Roderich and Gilbert."

"Who were they? Oh, my, gosh! I'm so sorry for being so nosy. I don't mean to! I just open my mouth and-"

"It's okay," Feliks gave him a reassuring look before smiling sadly. "Roderich Edelstein and Gilbert Beilschmidt were in our friendship circle. They were, quoting Gilbert, awesome."

"Gilbert Beilschmidt... Is he Ludwig's brother? Does Ludwig have a brother?"

"...He did. He had an older brother. Just don't ask Ludwig about him. Please. Gilbert's like... He's probably in the middle of an argument with Roderich, in heaven."

Feliciano and Feliks spent the rest of their afternoon in silence.


	6. I need you after all

**A/ N i don't** **know if** **I** **should end the story here or if I should make an epilogue. Let me know in your review if you decide to write one.** **At the moment, I'm** **ending** **the story here. Thank you for getting this far. :)**

* * *

"Oi, potato bastard. Are you sure that Feliks is in a good enough state to see Toris again?" Lovino asked Ludwig, skeptically.

"Well, you saw how happy Feliks was when we were playing board games. He didn't even attempt to cheat. Toris may be a good influence on him-" Ludwig trailed off. "Will you please stop calling me a potato bastard? It's pretty irritating."

"A potato bastard is a potato bastard and this place is full of 'em." snorted Lovino. "Let's just get Toris then and return home-"

Ludwig coughed into his hand.

"I'm quite sure that we were supposed to earn some money, first."

"Well, I'm tired. I don't have your bloody potato strength."

"I could always train you." offered Ludwig.

"Eeeh... I'll pass. I've seen how successful your training was on Feliciano." Lovino started laughing evilly at Ludwig. He embraced the hilarious memory of Ludwig as he chased after Feliciano who ran to the other side of the town just so that he didn't have to do ten push-ups.

Ludwig scrunched his nose in displeasure.

"Yes... It's not going so well with him. But I won't always be there for him so he needs to learn to fend for himself-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, shuddup bastard. You better not be falling for him or something."

Ludwig looked to the side to hide his blush and Lovino kicked a stone in irritation.

"Well, whatever. If I find out that you did anything to my little brother... You're a dead man." Lovino stopped in front of a dark alley. "Well, see you later, bastard. This is my stop. I was lying about not wanting to work earlier. We need the money."

Ludwig looked at Lovino with a sad expression.

"You know that Feliciano would be upset if he found out that you sell yourself for money, right?"

"Whatever. It's not like you'll tell him. And anyway, I don't have it as bad as Feliks did, right?..." Lovino shivered. "My regular customer is a kind airhead who gives me more money than my services are worth. I'll use that tomato bastard to save up as much money as possible."

"Tomato bastard? What happened to all the potato bastards?"

Lovino frowned and started walking off into the alley with:

"Shut up, potato. I'll meet you in front of Toris' shop at 7pm."

* * *

"Was Feliks the one who wanted me to come again?" asked Toris hopefully.

"Well... You see..." Ludwig felt a bit awkward. Feliks didn't even know that Toris would come again the very next day.

Lovino saved him with:

"The bastard was happy when you came to see him yesterday, so, we thought we'd surprise him with your presence again."

The brunette shrugged.

"Oh, okay," Toris smiled as they walked through the doors to the Jews' house once more.

Toris' smile dispersed when he heard screams coming from one of the bedrooms. The screams were followed with:

"Feliks, calm down. Please calm down. It's okay..."

Ludwig and Lovino ran in the direction, leaving Toris dumbstruck.

What was happening?

Toris slowly moved towards the source of the sound. His feet felt heavy.

"Oh, Lovi, Ludwig, I need your help! I'm finding it hard to hold him down!"

"Alright! I'll hold down his legs! You two, take care if the arms and head. We don't want him to hit his head again." Ludwig was shouting out orders calmly as if this has happened many times before.

"Yeah, I'm on it you bastard." Replied Lovino bitterly.

Toris came closer and closer until he stood at the doors. His eyes expanded at the sight. Feliks was having a seizure. All of his body seemed to be electrocuted, with the way that he shook. His limbs were helplessly kicking in all directions; he was screaming and crying.

It was the worst thing for Toris to see.

He came closer, until he stood right next to Ludwig, at the corner of the bed. Nobody seemed to be paying any attention to him.

Toris thought back to his very first night with Feliks and how he held him to calm him down. He knew that this was more serious, but, he came forward and sat on the bed, putting his arms around Feliks' trembling chest.

Lovino raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. This was not the time for him to be mean... Suddenly, the arm that Lovino was holding started to relax. Lovino was surprised and he let go of it, slowly.

On the other side of the bed, Feliciano was also letting go of the arm with a sad smile.

Ludwig held the legs for a little bit longer but he let go of them, too.

The trio watched as the shaking Feliks curled up into Toris' embrace and put his arm around the brunette, too.

They were in the embrace for such a long period of time that they didn't notice the trio leaving the room.

They were alone and Feliks was crying into Toris' shirt.

"I need you after all," Feliks mumbled into Toris' chest, cutely.

Toris froze but smiled.

"I need you too. I can't exactly be a Liet without a certain person there to call me one."

Feliks nuzzled his face into Toris neck in a way that made both of them lose balance and fall into a laying position. Feliks lay on top of Toris and whispered:

"I'm sleepy. Stay with me so that I can... Like... have nice dreams."

"Okay. I'm not going anywhere." replied Toris to Feliks, who was already asleep.

Just like on the day they first met, Toris looked at Feliks' face and hoped that this would be what he'd be greeted with every morning. He leaned in to give Feliks a goodnight kiss before cuddling in and falling asleep, too.


End file.
